Some versions of the Bible use the word contentious a few times, mostly in Proverbs. “It is better to dwell in a desert land than with a contentious and troublesome woman.” Proverbs 21:19 AMP “A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious (quarrelsome) woman are alike.” Proverbs 27:15 AMP Have you ever thought about the meaning of that word? I attended a session where the speaker asked a question of the ladies: “Do you find yourself correcting your husband’s story as he is telling it? I thought to myself, “Of course I do! People need to know the truth!” Then she dropped a bomb from God on me, “You are a contentious wife!” 

Other words for contentious are; argue, nagging, quarrelsome, and irritable. When the power of that word fell on my heart, I was instantly convicted of how far away I was as a godly wife to my husband. But you don’t have to be married or be a woman to be considered contentious.

I thought of the things that had blazed my trail to that reality and found that it all came down to the ways of this broken world. From the time we can communicate, we learn how to argue, nag, quarrel, and be irritable. We find ways to justify and minimize our behaviors. We argue that we are not arguing. I started asking myself if it was truly important that everything my husband said was truthful from my view? Did I need to have the last word? Could I keep my mouth shut?

I started practicing the THINK technique: is it Truthful? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspiring? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind? I am still contentious but have also become a much quieter person, a little slower to jump in.

In the process of practicing to hold my tongue, I am able to find more peace and rest. I am learning to let go of the feeling that it is my job to keep someone else honest. I am learning that my view is not always the truth. Contentious is an ugly word I continue to try to eliminate from my personality traits. It’s a step-by-step decision to run my responses through the THINK tank before they pour out my mouth. Most of what starts in the tank doesn’t make it past H.